Sunday, August 10, 2008

Times have changed! Modern women do not need to do household work?

This is what I heard someone say (the question mark is my addition). The role of a modern woman in sharing household tasks is something I have been thinking of ever since and I'm absolutely clear about how I feel regarding this. But before I go into that I wanted to share where I'm coming from.

I've always felt very strongly about womens' emancipation. I grew up in an atmosphere where my mother almost drilled it into us that women MUST be financially independent. My mom was the only girl in her senior school, in the little town where she studied. She did her masters and B.Ed. before she started teaching at a government school. This at a time when the main aim for a girl or atleast the girl's family was to give away the girl in marriage. The sooner the better, before the girl developed a mind of her own and confidence to think beyond marriage, I guess. My mom got married at the ripe 'old' age of 24. Aah well, that's still young for our times.

So mom had made up her mind that we (my sister and me), especially since we were girls, were only going to get the best education. This would surely stand us in good stead and help us to explore a world beyond the small town we were living in. She was so right! We do thank our parents for their foresight and commitment, even if it meant we would have to live apart in a boarding school for most of our young lives, to ensure that we study well and get the opportunities that a child anywhere in the world would be proud and lucky to have.

I stand for equality for women in all spheres of life. I hate to see people, especially parents, stereotype their children into our set notions of male and female behaviour, right down to boys never wearing pinks or god forbid if they play with a doll or a sissy stuffed toy. I get thrilled when I see a woman riding a huge bike, a female pilot, female CEO, female ambassador. Its just a great high to see women in these roles, breaking stereotypes.

To get back to the topic I started writing about.... Times have changed a lot and we see more and more women doing very well professionally.

Women have always done exceptionally well as homemakers but there's no reason why only a woman should be a home maker. There is so much to be done in the house on a daily basis and as times have changed these tasks are shared by both the partners, males and females. The biggest difference today is that the home is not only a woman's domain or responsibility but also a man's. This differs in each household based on who works outside the house, who spends more time in the house and thus has more time to take care of the daily chores. For me its really not a man versus woman thing. If I as a woman, have more time on my hands to complete some chores I'd do them gladly and at the same time delegate some work to my partner as and when he has time. I do not subscribe to the view that I will not cook and I will not do household chores because I am a new age woman. I may not cook if I don't like to, if its an activity that I dislike. There's a difference. Otherwise, I will cook and I'll get my partner to help out too.

What I find odd is if I refuse to share the household work only on the pretext that I am a modern woman. So what! Yes I as a modern woman have more power and freedom to choose as I do and delegate.

Another aspect to this is that in our culture we lay great emphasis on respect for the elderly. Its not a bookish notion but actually practised with all sincerity. :-) It means a lot to the elders, more perhaps than material goods. Thus a lot of responsibility and daily chores are delegated to persons (regardless of gender) who are younger in the household. In such a scenario it doesn't have much to do with male versus female but rather the elderly and the young.

Doing household work would not make me less of a modern woman, or reflect that I'm still living in the dark ages. We can be modern while also cherishing our culture and values. Both men and women in order to be self sufficient, house proud, independent individuals, need to contribute in the house and not just financially!

6 comments:

Vasanta said...

Gurpreet...really nice to hear this subject articulated so well. I think there will be true equality when both partners in a family divide both their professional and personal responsibilities not based on gender...but on inclination, time and convenience!

You know...I used to think that only 'educated' women care about these issues...but our local dhobin really opened my eyes a few years back. Her husband was the 'istri' guy and she was the one to manage their household. Gradually, we saw the husband get more and more drunk and disinclined to work. We would just go to the other dhobi in the locality...Urmila, the dhobin, just took charge after a few months of financial troubles. She has even warned us all not to give money to her husband if he came to collect. She does a better job, has got her daughter married off and has retained customers through her hard work and perseverance!

Unknown said...

Namrata Says...
I agree totally. Partners in Marriage must share household work. It's much more fun that way! Also gives time to the man or the woman to pursue their respective interests without laying the burden of day to day routine work and chores on one person. Same goes for all members in a family - sons and daughters who don't help their mums, guests who don't help their hosts and the like !

Vinita Govind said...

Eqality means not being tied down by gender specific roles. It means doing things that need to be done, or that one enjoys doing ... even if the other person holds back..I firmly believe that the only change that one can bring about is within oneself..and if each one of us changes our own perceptions our understanding and our expectations ..then the desired change will come faster and will be permanent. Any Change brought about by compulsion, coersion etc are temporary and require horrendous amounts of efforts and energy...

Dibs said...

Hi Gurpreet - Nice to see your blog. Both the posts are really well written.

My husband and I have ridiculously same likes/dislikes and inclination! We both love a clean house. We both also hate house keeping! :-) We then land up struggling through it over the weekend, and all is hunky dory.
The gender beocomes an issue only when we have parents visiting us!! Two of them would be shocked a male is doing house work, and the other two parents are elated that a male does house work and the female is 'lucky'!
hmm ... huh....? both reactions are gender discriminating!!

Tanvir said...

https://www.globalindiantimes.com/globalindiantimes/2021/5/10/us-court-orders-rajiv-gupta-edvantic-and-credforce-to-pay-1-million-dollars-to-wharton-school
RAJIV GUPTA (62% Share holding) & GEETIKA GUPTA (27% Share holding - VP@Accenture, Austin) & SANJEEVA SHUKLA (Jack of all trades, Blogs on New York Times, Times of India and ADVISES leaders, Entrepreneurs, Students on how to live their life -- ha ha) - the Director's & Promoter of Credforce now Edvantic

Rajiv, Geetika, Sanjeeva it's really shameful to manage your family, your children, your parents and live a luxurious life in Austin, USA and having luxurious flats in Orchid Petals, Tower 23 and at Nirvana County in Gurgaon by cheating other people of their family life savings.

How do you shamelessly buy luxurious gadgets for your children and holidays for your wife and parents with our money - don't you people have conscious to rob other people of their life savings and enjoy life

Shamelessly giving gyaan on education, blockchains and AI on the company websites and blog about it -

SHAMELESS people feeding their own children on our money and talk about credentials and ethics to other people children.

How can people in Austin and Orchid Petals Gurgaon have such people as neighbors ?

Issuing CRORES worth Post Dated Cheques to investors with a balance of Rs 3885/- in your account - making mockery of judiciary & law enforcers and talk of Credential, Education and Blockchains blah blah

Arrest warrant u/s 138 issued for all Promoters & Directors

FIR filed with Economic Offence Wing, New Delhi
FIR filed with Anti-Fraud, Kolkata

We plead the Enforcement Directorate, Income Tax Department to investigate the siphoning of funds from Credforce Asia Ltd to Edvantic, its Promoters, its Directors and its Authorised Signatory Ganesh Singh Negi

Karma surely round the corner for cheating 218 families of their life savings

Sujit Panigrahi said...

Nice topic. Great perspective.

I feel this is relevant for men too. Whether (modern) men should do household work. And, even if they do once in a while, they behave differently when parents are around!!

Guess there are a lot of women and men who think they are "modern" and should only be seen with tech and communication devices, and not be seen with BJP (Bartan Jhadu Pocha) and AICC (Also including Cooking and Cleaning)!